11 May 2001

Dear Friends and Family,

Yes, you only heard from me last month, but I've been busy! So busy you can probably expect to hear from me again before the end of the month... but since I had something ready, I thought I'd send it along. What follows is my write-up for Peace Corps of a Girls' Conference that was put on here in Monduli in early April. I hope you all enjoy it!

For folks who are new to this list, it comes out every month or two and details my life and experiences with Tanzanian culture. If you are bogged down with too much email or if you have problems getting messages this large, you can just write to me and ask me to take you off the list -- no problem. :)

Love,
Ethan

Like many third-year Peace Corps Volunteers, I extended so I could have a chance to redeem myself for not having done much in my first two years.

OK, so while that's not completely true, I definitely felt that I had the potential to really make my third year count, more so than before. So, while I was on home leave in December, I was constantly thinking about what I could do. I had been thoroughly involved in Girls' Education issues on a country-wide level; but at my own school, I didn't have much to show for my efforts.

I had wanted to do a multi-school girls' conference for a while, but the cost was always prohibitive... I don't taking Peace Corps' grants, because I'm always worried that my counterparts will say, "Well, that was a fun conference but we certainly couldn't have done it without..." However, the conditions were ripening in Monduli; There are three secondary schools here, and one of the other schools just got a new PCV (Maggie Stanislawski). The third school had no PCVs, but was accustomed to working with Americans because it is a charity school supported by the American Lutheran church. With all the schools right here in Monduli, the transportation costs (often fully half the cost of the a girls' conference) would be nil. Time for action!

Also well-timed was the formation of a Girls' Issues Committee of staff members at my school (my Headmaster's idea, believe it or not!) consisting of myself, the matron, and another woman teacher. In addition to the other things we were planning, I brought up the idea of a conference. They were very supportive of the idea, but (predictably) were concerned about the cost. However, we tossed around the idea and got some potential 'wheres' and 'whens'. By then, the others were excited enough about it that they were willing to put some energy into it. I had mentioned the idea to Maggie, and she was already discussing the possibility with her counterpart.

Because my school (Moringe Sokoine) was both the biggest and the oldest of the three schools, it had more conference-type facilities than the others. We (the Moringe teachers) decided to offer to be the hosts. Because we were worried about other students disturbing us during the conference, we decided to hold it the first weekend of our midterm break, so that there would be plenty of sleeping spaces in the girls' dormitory, all the other students would be gone, and most of all, no boys!

My biggest problem in the early stages was all the formalities. I didn't want to go through all the trouble of making a detailed budget proposal (which would involve planning a detailed menu for the whole weekend) until I had an idea of whether or not there would be enough support from all three schools. So I wrote a letter just introducing the idea of a conference to the three heads of schools, giving it first to my headmaster. A week later, I came back and asked him about it, and he said, "Well, of course, the management committee can't approve it without knowing what the cost will be to the school..." There went a week down the tubes!

So I had to wait until the next Girls' Committee meeting so we could plan a menu and other miscellany in order to come up with a tentative budget. We planned a conference for ten girls from each school, staying at Moringe from Friday evening to Sunday morning. We planned a possible menu, and I sat down one evening with the school cooks and asked them about how much each menu item might cost. By scrimping a little here and there, and by planning nice but not exorbitant meals, we were able to keep the budget costs around Tsh 60,000/= (about $65). Not bad for thirty girls, and eight to ten teachers and potential guest speakers.

We agreed that we would ask the schools for Tsh 20,000 each. If the cost of the conference was less than 60,000/=, we would ask for less money from the schools, and if the cost was more, Maggie and I would pick up the difference out of our Peace Corps project allowance (Peace Corps as supporter, not sponsor. Groovy.) I circulated the letter to the Heads of Schools and got their approval (a process which took a couple of weeks, even though we're all in the same town). It explained the purpose of the conference, where and when it would be held, the number of girls and teachers that would attend, and the maximum donation that would be expected form the schools.

After that ordeal, we were finally able to sit down for a meeting with all the planners: Two teachers from each school (including Maggie and I) plus the matron from Moringe. At the first meeting, we discussed the most important stuff: We made sure everyone agreed on the time and place, and understood that we would all be responsible for coming to weekly planning meetings, and for selecting the girls who would participate.

My other big goal for the first meeting was to have us decide what would be the major themes or topics for the weekend. I brought some examples of weekend schedules, and ideas for sessions, from the Girls' Education Resource Manual and showed them to the teachers. We agreed to focus on three different topics that we felt were most important; two teachers assumed responsibility for each topic: Rebecca and Bahati from the Maasae Girls' School volunteered for "Study Skills and Time Management." Swai from Irkisongo (Maggie's school) and Mbise from my school would do a session on "Career Options." Maggie and I would do a session on "Relationships and Communication." Each group agreed to come to the next meeting prepared to explain in detail what would happen in their session. We all left the first meeting enthusiastic about the conference.

At the second meeting, we each presented our ideas for our respective sessions. After that, we did a formal layout of the whole weekend schedule. Because I've worked with Tanzanians before on vague decision-making processes like this, I decided I would come organized -- I brought a 'dummy' schedule with me. No specific times or session names, just a general list of what each day would look like. This seemed to work well. We went through the schedule piece by piece, and agreed what we would do, and who would be responsible for it. Though the meeting was a bit long, we finished knowing more or less what the conference would look like, and who was in charge of each individual event or session in the conference.

The third meeting was more of the same, finalizing sessions, exchanging ideas for each session and for the free time. We also tried to make sure we were set with all the logistical issues, like food, sleeping arrangements, and what the girls would have to bring to the meeting. At this point I was starting to be very thankful that I had Miss Mbise to help me at Moringe -- I had my hands full with all the planning sessions and corresponding follow-up; she took care of selecting the students, and keeping them informed of what their responsibilities would be as the hosts of the conference. Things were looking really good at the end of the third meeting -- most things were coming together as expected, and there was still plenty of time for those things that were still dubious. However, this is about the point where things started disintegrating.

One of our biggest problems at this point was the careers session. We wanted to have a panel of professional women who could come and talk about their lives and work, and do a little Q&A with the girls. Mbise and Swai were having a very hard time finding women who did not demand being paid to do it. I was very adamant that we would not be paying anyone anything for the conference -- we could cover transportation, and we would feed them a nice lunch... but no per diem, no 'fees'.

I might have folded on this issue -- since some of our Tanzanian counterparts were implying it would be impossible -- except for two things: First, at the girls' conference in Machame two years ago, we managed to find six career women who came for free to do the same kind of activity. Second, and more importantly, my school just recently had had a group of women from a certain Non-Governmental Organization come out to our school to speak with our girls on International Women's Day. They agreed to do it only on the condition that they get 5000/= apiece, in addition to their transportation.

When those women came, they were good, and the girls were excited about talking to them... but they left before the girls had much of an option to ask many questions. They seemed to be in a hurry to collect their money and leave. Even if the girls didn't notice, it was very clear to me what the bottom line was for those women. I decided then that for our girls conference, we would have only women who came because their hearts, and not their pocketbooks, compelled them to do so.

The week following the third meeting was the midterm break for both Maasae Girls' School and Irkisongo, so there was no meeting... and by the end of that break, there was less than a week to go before the conference. This meant the next time we met, it would be only three days before the conference. Well, the day before, Mbise had to make an emergency trip, which meant we couldn't meet in her house as usual. Frustrating, but not impossible. We met at the matrons' house... and in addition to no Mbise, there was neither Swai nor Rebecca! So it was just Maggie and Bahati and I, trying to figure out what was going on. Since it was only a few days until the conference, I needed to follow up on some critical things with the missing folks (Was their session complete? Had they secured all the guest speakers they needed? Had they gotten all the supplies they needed?)

In addition to that uncertainty, Bahati came with bad news, saying that even though I had personally discussed issues like sleeping arrangements with his headmistress, she had changed her mind and didn't want her girls sleeping at our school. He said there was a chance that the girls from his school might only be able to come on Saturday, and possibly not at all. Maggie had also come with bad news -- many of her girls were afraid of spending the weekend away from home (Irkisongo is a day school) and she was worried that some of them would say that they would come, and then fail to show up at the last minute.

I left that day feeling abandoned, exhausted, and seriously doubtful about the conference. What happens if nobody shows up? I still had a million things to do for planning my own sessions; I didn't have enough time to run down to the other schools and confirm things, and I'm not sure that would have done much good. Like a good PCV, I was relying on my Tanzanian counterparts to handle things back at their own schools... not out of desire for sustainability, but out of necessity! Trouble was, up until that point, folks had been pretty reliable; now I was worried about the possibility of my counterparts abandoning me at the last minute and just saying "It's too tough!" Maggie and I got together the following night to prepare things for our session, but we spent most of the time venting our fears and frustrations about the whole experience.

Finally, Thursday, the day before the conference, we had one last meeting. Fortunately, the only no-show was Rebecca. Again, frustrating, but at least it was an improvement. Also, between the meetings, I had taken some matters into my own hands and confirmed one of the guests for the careers session, and found out that another would not be coming. I managed to arrange two more guests at the last minute, trying hard to compromise between keeping Mbise in the loop and making sure that it got done at all. Things also sounded better back at Maasae Girls' and Irkisongo. Actually, it's possible things weren't better, but having the other teachers show up to the meeting, and having vented with Maggie, I'd come to a more comfortable space, emotionally speaking. I felt I was more ready to face whatever came.

The big day. After making some last-minute arrangements with some last-minute guests, I had a chance to center myself and take a breather before heading into the fray. I went down to the library, where people were supposed to gather. Of course, at 4:00 PM (the designated hour of arrival) there was not a soul down there besides myself. Having lived in Africa for two and a half years, I knew that this was certainly to be expected. However, with the huge emotional weight this conference carried for me, and with the uncertainty about the participation of the other schools, I had a hard time not being at least a little nervous.

Fortunately, we had wisely scheduled two full hours for arrival and registration and things like that. So at a few minutes before 6:00 PM, when the Maasae Girls students straggled in, we were still reasonably on schedule. We took a few minutes to prepare ourselves, and then the conference was officially opened by a guest speaker.

(N.B. In Tanzania, it is very important to have someone officially open and close a conference or seminar, however short or informal the event may be, even if the person who opens it has nothing to do with the rest of the conference.)

In our case, the opening speaker was a young woman who worked in a high level position in the District Commissioner's office. Though she was only about thirty years old, she had already finished university and gone on to get a Master's degree in Germany. We thought she would be an inspiration to the girls, to get them excited about the conference and about their future.

Well, maybe I missed something culturally, but she wasn't that motivational of a speaker. Her words were all in the right place, but she seemed very low-energy, almost sad when saying them. I think I had been spoiled up until then, since all of my previous guests for events like this walked into the room and got the girls singing and chanting; moving around the room and getting the girls excited. This woman sat at the front table and delivered her speech in a soft (though firm) monotone voice. The girls seemed to get something out of it... but I was a little let down.

She also treaded on a subject with which I am a little uncomfortable; the role of education in empowerment. She kept reiterating that she got everything she has because of education; without education a person cannot do anything. This is intended to encourage the girls to study more, which I support fully... but it's completely obvious and well known that few, if any, of the girls at the conference will go to university, and many won't even finish O-Level. Many of those girls already know or have an idea that they will never get the kind of education this woman has had. What happens to those girls? Well, because they have been told repeatedly that they can get nothing without education, they see their only alternative as getting married to someone who can support them, even if they are unloving or even abusive.

More on this subject later...

After the opening, we had supper, which the girls definitely enjoyed more than their daily school food. As we were on our way back down to the library afterwards, I suggested to the other teachers that since things had been a little sedate up to that point, we should try to liven things up a little. We had some introductions and get-to-know-you games, followed by more serious games about trust and cooperation. By the end, the girls were so excited that we had a hard time keeping them quiet. They went off to bed singing and laughing... and if I remember conferences from my youth at all, I doubt they got much sleep that night!

Saturday was the big day, where the heart and soul of the conference were waiting to unfold. As I mentioned before, there were three main sessions. First was the session on Study Skills and Time Management, which was run by Bahati (We had still seen neither hide nor hair of Rebecca since before their midterm break, and Bahati hadn't the foggiest idea where she was!) It was largely lecture-oriented, with not much in the way of student participation... but on their evaluation forms at the end of the conference, more than half the girls clearly listed that session as their favorite. Go figure...

In the late morning was the Career session, in the form of a professional women's panel. Because of the concerns I voiced above about the necessity of education, we had tried to get women from all different parts of the Tanzanian women's financial spectrum. We had one woman, a Master's Degree holder in Sociology and Development, who had just returned from a three-year contract working in Botswana. We had another woman from the local dispensary, who only finished Form 6 but after working in the medical profession for a while, was able to take short course after short course and become a certified medical assistant specializing in midwifery. The third woman had only studied up to Form 2, at which point she had to drop out of school because her father had abandoned her mother, and she had to help out at home. After doing little businesses on her own, she eventually got a little stall at the Monduli local market, selling fruits and vegetables.

What we wanted to show the girls that it's great to shoot for the stars, because it is possible you can make it.... but if you don't, for whatever reason, it's not the end of the world -- you don't have to run right out and look for a husband. We were a little worried that the students might have many questions for the well-to-do women, and look down upon the woman from the market (most of them had already attained a level of education higher than she had!) However, the girls had many questions for all the women on the panel. I did notice a tendency to have a long line of questions directed at one person... so then I would ask a generic question of one of the other women, and then the questions would shift over to her for a while, until I or another teacher asked another question of somebody new, etc.

The third session (after lunch) was about Relationships and Communication, and was mostly run by Maggie and I. We first had three short dramas (acted by our Tz counterpart teachers) in which a Tz boy tried to get his girlfriend to go back to his house with him when his parents weren't home. The three skits showed her responding to him Passively, then Aggressively, then Assertively. We asked the girls what they observed in each case.

They saw that in the 'passive' case, the girl said very little, and that she eventually went with the boy. In the 'aggressive' case, she yelled at him and became very angry, and then he became so angry he stormed off and told her he didn't want to see her any more. The girls noticed that she had gotten what she wanted (i.e. she didn't go home with him) but that she was not very happy about the rest of the outcome (i.e. he was angry and didn't want to see her anymore.) In the 'assertive' skit, she was firm but gentle, resistant but caring. She affirmed that she cares about him, but that she is not ready for that kind of thing. In the end, she suggests that they go get a soda together instead, and off they go.

The next part was a game in which they divided up into teams, and all the teams were given a 'line' that boys use to try to convince girls to have sex with them ("Everybody's doing it," "Men need to have sex or they'll explode," etc.) The teams had 90 seconds to come up with a response to the line to keep the boy at bay. Another group of girls scored the responses. There were some pretty impressive responses. (Q: "Everyone's doing it!" A: "Well they are they and I am me. If you need it so badly, go find one of them!")

The last part of our session involved giving the groups of girls more complicated scenarios, like a boyfriend putting the moves on her while doing homework, or a boyfriend whom she really likes threatening to leave her if she doesn't 'put out.' Each group listed many different possibilities of action, weighed the pros and cons of each possibility, and performed a short skit to demonstrate the best way of dealing with the situation.

The main thing we were trying to show them is that it is very easy for a girl to say by herself or among other girls that she will absolutely refuse a boy and tell him to get lost, but it's harder to come up with the right words at the right time when she is really confronted with the issue. Also, she may like the boy and not really want him to 'get lost'... he should just be a little more respectful is all. The girls seemed to understand the idea of protecting their own rights while respecting the rights of others.

That afternoon, we had some free time so that the girls could prepare skits and songs for the talent show that evening. The talent show was both entertaining and confusing at times... but they got a lot out of it, and that's the important thing. I slept very well that night.

Sunday was mostly formalities -- the girls from each school grouped together and planned how they could take what they had learned back to their individual schools. They all planned skits, songs, or other presentations, to share the feeling of the conference with the students at their own schools. After that they filled out an evaluation form giving their review of the conference. Finally, we had a closing ceremony in which each girl lit a candle and said what she had liked most about the conference. The girls cried and hugged each other and talked about how much they wanted to have another conference next month! They went home happier, and hopefully, a little bit stronger and more self-aware than when they came.

Of course, the apparent success of this conference doesn't mean I'm off the hook with my worries and doubts: Will this conference really change anybody's behavior? Will they communicate things effectively to their own schools? Will they take any leadership roles when they get to their homes? Will they raise their own daughters a little more wisely? Only time will tell -- and most of those things will not become apparent until long after I'm gone.

I will say this: If just one girl passes an exam she might have failed, if just one girl fights to get a job instead of marrying for security, if just one girl avoid getting pregnant and dropping out of school, all my efforts will be worth it. Who will it be? Will I get a phone call in five years from Miriam, quiet but bright as a shining star, the day she arrives at Ohio State University to start her first year there? Will Jehovahness, who dreams of being a lawyer and a diplomat, email me from her embassy office ten years from now? Or, when I retire, will I receive a battered old letter from Nashipay, who is just barely getting by, but who is married to a man who loves her enough not to take another wife, and who did not take her daughters to be circumcised, but instead sent them to school?

I won't make any predictions for them... but I know that my life has been forever changed by these girls, and I know I will be a better person for it. That's all that I can say; the rest is up to them.

Return to Letters from Tanzania